Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Flattery vs. Compliments

Flattery: "a deception of others and ones self" "insincere and excessive compliments for personal advantage"

Another title for this blog could be: selfishness vs. selflessness. That is because flattery is always about the flatterer and compliments are about the "other" person. I read where a well-known widow at a big reception asked a young man to guess her age. "You must have some idea" she said as he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile. "The trouble is that I hesitate whether to make it ten years younger on account of your looks, or ten years older on account of your intelligence."

Giving sincere compliments is a powerful tool for creating and building relationships. Flattery destroys them. Praise rightfully earned helps develop the self-esteem of those we care about. Insincere flattery (which may be an oxymoron since flattery is by definition insincere) makes us feel less worthwhile, makes us feel hurt and used and less trusting of the flatterer. The flattery may for a short time make one feel good but ultimately it will make that same person feel empty and used. The Bible is full of verses warning against falling into the trap of either giving or receiving flattery.

It is important to understand that a flatterer depends on giving compliments for his own personal gain when he doesn't usually believe the compliment itself. Every one likes a sincere compliment. However people with a low self-confidence can be susceptible to the flatterer. Ironically a person who attempts to flatter a person, thinking that his flattery will work, really shows how little he thinks of that person.

Up North Wisdom says we should and must be more complimentary of others. Use the gift of encouragement. Sometimes out of fear that our compliments may be mistaken for flattery, we often neglect to build others up and to give deserving compliments and encouragement. Motive is the difference between flattery and a sincere compliment. One is intended to encourage and give credit where credit is due, the other is self-serving. Avoid being manipulated by flattery and being a flatterer. Flattery is a lie. The Bible calls it sin and so should we.

6 comments:

  1. Great post dad...so which one is it...a compliment or flattery...lol.

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  2. I love this post. I feel like I'm in one of your classrooms....and you know what? I wish I could have been in one!
    I mean, I guess I am really, every week because that's what you do-teach the Word to us. And you do so very well (and that's not flattery, it's truth!)
    I appreciate your first line of work too.
    It was (and still is) my favorite subject....English!
    Thank you for breaking down the differences of these often-interchanged words.
    Now, can you please have a post about how "orientated" is not actually a word??

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  3. Great post...I mean good post... well it's ok...ah, I love you no matter what you post. You realize you have made it impossible for me to comment on this post with out questioning my most basic motives? I am a man lost in my flesh, maybe I'll just pray about it, well thats not really sincere either. Oh God I need you... Pastor Jerry has once again forced me to your feet by destroying my ego with his teaching.

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  4. No, it's OK. You can say "great post". :) Actually, I think that God's Word should always force us to His feet. It's the safest place for us all who call Christ our Lord. I don't want to be on my own. Love you, Tony, Becky and Jill. You are the best; well, pretty good; well pretty OK.

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  5. Insincere flattery is redundant. An oxymoron would be sincere flattery. I just happened upon this when I googled flattery vs compliments as I've been contemplating how to discern. I really like how you put it. Right in line with my thoughts.

    And now to share with you a "hinky pinky" (2 rhyming words/2 syllables each).

    Clue: A Green Bay football fan
    Answer: Packer backer

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  6. This part of your writing is an exact quote from another article written by Emuna Braverman in an article called "Flattery". Did you write this part of the above article: "Giving compliments is a powerful tool for creating and building relationships. Flattery destroys them. Praise rightfully earned helps develop the self-esteem of those we love. Insincere flattery (which may be an oxymoron since flattery is by definition insincere) makes us feel less worthwhile, makes us feel hurt and used. "

    Her article was written in 2008. You can look it up on:
    http://www.aish.com/f/mom/48932317.html?mobile=yes

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